Just… stop it.

August 31 2014

About a year ago, I read a post by the lovely Rebecca Sparrow over on Mamamia about the four letter word she needed to stop using…. the word ‘just’. It stuck with me. Ever since, when the amazing women I know and meet throw ‘just’ into sentences where it doesn’t belong, it leaves me with this lingering feeling. (A want-to-shake-you-til-your-brain-rattles kinda feeling.)

It’s just a word. What’s the problem? 

Yes – it’s just a word. All too often a self-depricating word.

Just is a word we use to play down our accomplishments. Just is a word we use to signal to others that there’s nothing remarkable here. It’s a word that devalues our contribution. Just says “I’ve evaluated myself against others, and decided I’m not as good”. Just says “I didn’t work hard for this”, “I don’t care about this”, “this isn’t important”. Just says “don’t look at me, nothing to see here, pass me by and keep going”. Just undermines our worth.

Unfortunately, women are the worst culprits. 

I was lucky enough to pop along to the Problogger conference this weekend and meet lots and lots of spectacular humans. Darren Rowse (Problogger King) in his opening and closing keynotes described his audience as “ordinary people, doing extraordinary things”. He shared with us that amongst the 550-odd attendees (90% of whom had blogs), we have a collective readership of 30 million people. *total wide-eyed wonder*

Darren Rowse

Darren Rowse, Problogger King: “Ordinary people doing extraordinary things”

I learnt over the two days that the Australian blogging community is a down-to-earth, cheery and optimistic bunch, who like to have a good time and for the most part are completely unassuming about their accomplishments.

I went along to the conference not knowing anyone and as I buzzed about saying hello and introducing myself, I asked the obvious question “what sort of blog do you have?”

I was horrified to hear (some of) these amazing women respond with the likes of “ohhh it’s just a parenting blog”. “Oh, I just run a craft blog”. “Oh I’m actually here on behalf of my employer, I just write for their blog”.

When inside my head I’m going “omg you’re raising children AND running a blog?” “omg you can do craft that’s so awesome other people read about it on the internet!?” “omg someone is PAYING YOU to blog for them!?”. There was nothing ‘just’ about it.

This ‘just’ phenomena isn’t isolated to Australian lady-bloggers. 

I’ve been witness to women in the corporate world do it, too. Hell, I’ve been guilty of doing it in the corporate world!

Boss: “Hey Andrea, really great job handling that situation”
AS: “Oh, errrr, it’s not a huge deal, I was just you know, I was just nice and it worked out”.

Colleague: “That’s awesome! Thanks for your help.”
AS: “Oh, you know, I was just using what <other colleague> showed me”

And doing it in the rest of my life, too. 

Friend: “You look really nice today”
AS: “Oh, err, I just brushed my hair.”

I, like lots of women at work and in life, don’t want to blow my own trumpet. I don’t want to be seen as cocky or too sure of myself, I definitely don’t want to be seen as arrogant. I don’t want people to not like me. And deeper still, I don’t want it to be revealed that I’m kinda feeling my way through this whole she-bang and don’t always know what I’m doing. (Confession: sometimes my wins are secretly flukes!)

Yet there was one, perfectly appropriate response for all of those scenarios that avoids all those fears.

Thank You

That wasn’t too hard, right? If it still makes you feel squirmy on the insides, throw in a big smile too.

‘Just’ isn’t only used in responses. We unnecessarily throw it into information-sharing too. 

“Oh hi, I’m just ringing to touch base and see how things are going”. “I just had a thought afterwards perhaps we should consider some other options”. “I just wanted to tell you that you look good today”. “I’m just offering an opinion”.

In these sentences, ‘just’ is almost subserviant, it’s seeking permission. Try the same sentences sans the ‘just’.

“I’m ringing to touch base and see how things are going”. “I had a thought afterwards perhaps we should consider some other options”. “I wanted to tell you that you look good today”. “I’m offering an opinion”.

Not rude, not arrogant, not over the top. Just quietly assertive. Sure. Confident. More convincing. More energised. More inspiring. More employable!

The words we use have a huge effect on how the world sees us and how we see ourselves. Don’t play down your accomplishments. You’re a freaking craft blogger! That’s amazing! You handled that situation well! Gold star! You have an opinion to offer! Awesome! You brushed your hair today! Um, yeah!

Ditch Just. (You’re too good for him, anyway!)

I did my best to break up with ‘just’ last year, and I strongly encourage you to do the same! Some days, when I’m not feeling my best, I want to go crawling back to ‘just’ and let him treat me bad, but when I stay strong and leave ‘just’ behind, I always feel more confident for it.

It’s a teeny tiny word that we’re all the better without. Lovely, fabulous, girly-friends; do yourself justice… and leave out the just! (See what I did there!?)

Have you noticed amazing lady-things playing down their accomplishments with ‘just’? Are you guilty of doing it yourself? This is a safe space, tell us below!

8 Comments

  • Angie says:

    I read the same post by Bec and it really got me thinking… I use ‘just’ way too often as well (eg. my blog is ‘just’ a beauty blog) and I’ve been making a conscious effort to get rid of it, although it still does creep in there from time to time. From the sounds of it, Problogger was a really inspiring, informative event, and I’m kicking myself for not getting in earlier for a ticket! Next year for sure.

    • Thanks for stopping by Angie – completely agree it’s easy to slip back to just. Problogger was great, definitely worth doing next year. Hopefully Kate organised us a meet up in the mean time 😉

  • Sarah says:

    Great piece Andrea and a very timely reminder about how detrimental ‘just’ a little word can be. I’m guilty of this every day in almost every facet of my life, something I think it’s time to change…

  • :) says:

    Great post, Andrea! I catch myself doing this so often, and I feel like I’m dismissing… myself… Thanks for the reminder. x

  • Emma Sutton says:

    Oh my this is SUCH a brilliant post and so relevant to SO MANY WOMEN. We definitely don’t give ourselves enough credit for our achievements. I shall be actively breaking up with ‘just’ from here on.

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